Power Tools for Women: Get a Tool Kit

By Affiliate Joni Daniels of Joni Daniels & Associates

Melissa has a position with a local firm as the Director of her division. Her reputation as a “people grower” within her company adds to her standing as one of the best managers.  With technical knowledge and a broad base of experience within the industry, she is invaluable to the project teams she advises. Her ability to handle several highly detailed projects with accuracy and insight has added to her reputation as one of the most talented members of the executive team.

When Melissa walks through the door to her home, however, she is overwhelmed with the chaos that meets her. Her children seem to be unable to start dinner, clean their rooms, or begin their homework without her guidance. When her daughter asks for help in narrowing down her college choices, Melissa feels as overwhelmed as her high school senior. When her husband reminds her that they promised her parents that they would get together over the weekend to talk about their move to an assisted living facility, Melissa can’t remember having had the discussion, let alone making the commitment. She feels like she has a split personality. The disorder at home bears no resemblance to her organization and control at the office.

She looks out the window to her neighbor Nancy’s home and sighs with envy.  Nancy’s home is right out of a Martha Stewart magazine with perfectly coordinated furniture, the welcoming smell of something just baked wafting from the kitchen, and each member of the family outfitted to coordinated perfection, right down to the family dog.

What she doesn’t see is Nancy’s corporate office. Nancy can’t quite believe how her workspace could have so many piles of papers, folders and reference books. There is no longer any desk, couch or floor space. Dead and forgotten plants line her windowsill, and boxes of files obscure the view.

Melissa uses her skills to create order at work. She knows how to delegate, advise, systematize and follow up professionally. Nancy knows how to make her vision of a comfortable, coordinated and warm home a reality. What neither seems to understand is how to take the skills that make them so successful in one domain and transfer them into another.

I used to wonder how women could be so able in one area of their lives and seem so incapable in another. The skills that Melissa, Nancy, and hundreds just like them use to be empowered and achieve their goals and objectives are interpersonal tools that they possess and wield with control. But something mysterious happens and they drop these powerful tools as they enter other areas of their lives.

These are the Power Tools that I talk about with women. Power comes in many shapes and sizes:

  • Title Power – The president has full power of the position and it is independent of her personal power.
  • Reward Power – Also known as Lollipop power, the ability to provide compensation.
  • Coercion Power – Also known as spanking power, the threat of embarrassment or making future trouble.
  • Referent Power – The person stands for something and others refer and treat that person as an authority on that subject.
  • Charisma Power – The magnetism and force of personality.
  • Expertise Power – Having the knowledge or ability that others don’t have.
  • Situation Power – Having authority simply because of the situation you are in, like a teacher in a classroom.
  • Information Power – The sharing of information can form a bond, and the withholding of it can be intimidating.

The best and most useful power is portable power, the type you take with you wherever you go. So if you can be candid with your boss, you can be candid with your sister-in-law. If you can share your vision of success with your employees, you can share it with the guests coming for a special occasion. And if you can ask a technician to walk you through the information systems problem at work, you can ask your mechanic about the details involved in the service he thinks your car requires.

Women who experience accomplishment at work can discover ways for success to be molded and shaped and carried into their non-work life. Endeavors at home can be styled and formed and brought into the workplace. Women have this ability to plug in to their skills whether it is at work or at home, at religious worship or community service. In fact, once you learn the benefits of these tools using them across the board is very gratifying. Today the line between life and work is blurred. You can email, FAX, be accessible by mobile phone anywhere, anytime, and leave voice mail messages 24 hours a day.

The women I see today have both personal and professional passions. They may have worked in the past, are working now or plan to work in the future. They may be overworked, under-compensated, volunteering, or in a bartering deal.

They may ask questions like:

  • If I can shrug off the catty remark my sister-in-law made at the family picnic, why can’t I shrug off the dig made by the financial analyst in the meeting last week?
  • If I can convey my vision of a successful audit to the accounting staff, why can’t I convey my dream of a hassle-free wedding to my relatives?
  • If I can fire the employee who doesn’t improve their work performance, what stops me from leaving my chronically unemployed, in debt, and irresponsible boyfriend?
  • If I can use my power at home, why can’t I use it at work?

The answer is that they can and so can you.

The best thing is that we all have these abilities, even if you aren’t so sure. I have discovered that each and every woman who thinks she is missing a critical skill is only doing a cursory inventory of the talent and abilities she possesses. Experience a type of success in one arena of your life, such as organization, delegation or using humor, and you have the potential to employ that powerful skill in other parts of your life as well.

The location may be different because office and home are different places. The personalities may be poles apart because your employees are not anything like your relatives. You, however, are the same person. The challenge is to identify how to carry your power with you and maintain uniformity in your life. This way you can create a congruency that makes you feel like you are living an integrated life, rather than living the lives of two completely different people. The key to success is not only accessing your power tools, but also having them close at hand, in any situation.

© Copyright 2011, Daniels & Associates. All Rights Reserved.

Nationally recognized Management and Organizational Development Training consultant, author, and professional speaker Joni Daniels has helped thousands of people, teams, and organizations accomplish their professional goals. She is a sought after resource for Fortune 500 clients, professional organizations, higher education, media outlets and business publications and author of “Power Tools for Women®: Plugging into the Essential Skills for Work and Life (Three Rivers Press/02). Sign up for her free quarterly newsletter at www.jonidaniels.com/newsletter.html. Follow Joni on Twitter at http://twitter.com/jonid

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *