No – my son doesn’t hate me I know – but it sure feels like it

This in my inbox this am. “It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.” Theodore Roosevelt.

It came with great timing as yesterday was not a winning moment in the “parenting” experience. I was an epic fail, which to me consists of losing my cool – and not being the calm, together Mom and example I try to be for my child, and for myself. This is something I know, happens to everyone, but nevertheless I can’t help feeling like a moron, when I can’t do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love, and adore my son (the adore part may be part of the issue – still trying to

First Day of Kindergarten
The time when a cuddle and a cookie made mostly everything better

figure that one out), still, man do I get frustrated… especially when he seems to be operating in another dimension. Also, I’m a girl – I wasn’t born with a penis; makes sense I have no clue about raising a boy, I feel this and not owning a paint ball center, or a pizza parlor, are my biggest handicaps. Seriously though, I don’t want to screw it up. I don’t want to present a negative, nagging example of women. As a Mom, you begin to realize that everything you do – is going to affect his attitude towards women going forward. It’s a heavy responsibility,  which leaves me torn at how best to get him on track and keep him doing what he’s supposed to, without the constant nagging and checking? What has happened to the little boy who adored me, and always said I love you Mommykins? In difficult times like this week, I miss that little boy and I try to get along with the young man he’s become. As he gets older, it’s hard to see the little boy when the young man is huge, and telling me off. 

Mother’s of successfully grown boys – any tips out there? Please add comments below

Most of the time, I measure my voice, and I don’t lose it – but yesterday I did. These are the times parenting alone, with no support at home, slay me. I know I’m not alone in this. I also know he suffers too – maybe even more, when Mom goes bat crazy explaining the rules for the 100th time, yet again. I meditate, I breathe, I count to ten…and yet, times like yesterday – I lose it. I am not perfect, and visibly very far from it. But, as a Mom, it’s hard to reconcile the human reactions parenting a teenager and all that means and the responsibility and often enormity of it. Launching a human is risky, dangerous and serious business.

Parenting, talk about an act of courage, with every day – I get this is the hardest “job” I will ever have. It is also, obviously, the most important. How it interacts with other obligations is a constant balancing act, one I’m not mastering yet and one that causes extreme stress. I’m not whining, I’m just sharing my experience and asking for tips, good thoughts, encouragement and jokes – because this am, I need to laugh. I know it will get better, I know he is an amazing kid, I know I am luckier than most because he has a father who is awesome, involved and a great counter balance to my shortcomings, it’s just tough ya know? Please and thank you in advance. #justCanadiangirl today as of this moment.