by Trish Dozier – LA4HER Center of Influence
Authenticity is the finest line there is for us women when it comes to our professional and personal lives. We clamor for those around us to be true to form, yet often times it feels as if we’re replicating ourselves into some pseudo clone and can’t quite identify with who we really are.
“Research shows that women who behave in too masculine a way are respected but not very well liked by their colleagues, while women who are too feminine are well liked but not well respected,” says Robin Ely, Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School.
Personally speaking, I have found that the older I get, with more time wedged beneath me in my professional life, I tend to become more rooted, less fearful of how I may be perceived, and certainly stronger overall as to who I truly am. And with regard to the personal side of this precarious equation, the right path seems to be unfolding, yet still in the distance. Less mistakes are made, but the illusionary commodity of time becomes a bigger factor and can lead to mistakes and rash judgement calls due to emotions being so heavily involved.
The pressure to conform to what our colleagues determine is the correct path can skew our authenticity.
The pressure from our family to mesh into a lifestyle that seems the most accepted from a societal viewpoint can confuse our authenticity. It’s easy to lay down the urges driving us internally toward who we KNOW we are in order to avoid the muttering we can hear from behind us.
Conformity, however, has no relationship tie to authenticity.
Kelly Rudolph sums it up wonderfully well with the following quote from the article below:
“I learned in the ninth grade that I had to change to get new friends. Now we hear this same idea termed authentic. When I became who I really wanted to be all by myself, I attracted really good friends who were like me and I felt comfortable around them. Some of them made me stretch and expand my comfort zone and that made me grow a lot more. Later, in my various careers, I’ve had to realize, remember and readjust ME again to attract the people I wanted in my life. ”
To read more of that article click here.
Women have an added burden of being “too feminine” because of historical labels that automatically put us into a category that is extreme. However, retaining our feminitiy in today’s work and personal places is directly tied to our authenticity, and requires a diligent observation of self-awareness. And while undergoing the continuous awareness process, we can let doubt and criticism creep in and skew our personal truths.
Conversely, women who decide to shed their feminity in the workplace are often immediately diagnosed with a whole slew of masculine characteristics in a negative way , another sad truth that has zero to do with our real identities. What if that is just how we operate in that arena , or compartmentalize, or deal with situations that challenge our intellect?
As with most things in life, finding and keeping true to your own authenticity requires balance. One thing women are notoriously deficient in is the ability to say no … to let others down. It’s just basically not inherent to our chromosomal pattern. But if we ” yes ” ourselves continuously out, we lose ourselves just the same.
Authenticity is transparent. And too often, workplace practices require that particular trait to be muted to a certain and often large degree.
How often do we hear that we must negotiate from a position of strength?
How often do we hold just enough back in our transactional patterns so as not show our entire hand?
How much do we softly manipulate the facts in order to make the entire picture seem more seamless for everyone?
Transparency, however, should never be on the back burner when forming your own identity. Save the effects of transparency for those situations you can hold at a healthy distance, not for something as big as your authenticity.
Edward Benson is quoted with, “How desperately difficult it is to be honest with oneself. It is much easier to be honest with other people.” That speaks to the old adage of a person being able to offer the best advice to others in even the most tedious and complicated situations, but apply the same circumstances to your own life and all of the sudden, there is just a slippery slope.
Authenticity necessitates being true to you, and complete transparency with yourself. One does not exist without the other.